Today is my husband’s new birthday. 🎈🎈🎈 A year ago today I was racing along the highway towards St. Mary’s Memorial Hospital where Daren had been flown to. He had gone into anaphylactic shock in the middle of the night. When it happened I was in a deep sleep with my silicone earplugs in (he’s a terrific snorer). Now the next part may get weird for you..... At 3am, I was woken up by a very loud banging in my head. It was as if there was a wooden door 🚪 right next to my bed and someone was loudly knocking. . I pulled out an earplug and heard Daren in the other room gasping. . I sprang out of bed 🛌 and was thrust into chaos. I grabbed the car keys and guided Daren out to the truck. He collapsed right there in our driveway. He hit his head on our rock wall. He stopped breathing. I screamed for him to help me. He was too heavy to move on my own. I had no phone to dial 911 (it was turned off and inside the house). After a frantic sprint inside the house I got my phone, pushed the power button... and while I waited for it to turn on I started CPR. Nothing. The phone finally powered up and the voice of the 911 operator was the only beacon of light in this very dark night. I still yelled loudly, begging him to not leave me. His face was turning a shade of purple. I still performed CPR. His tongue rolled out of his mouth. My neighbors heard me and came down and helped. He took a breath. The lights of a police 🚔 car lit up the night. Then an ambulance. Then a stretcher. They intubated him in front of our home. Hospital. Helicopter. ICU. His smiling face. .❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. . We all process trauma and loss differently. Daren remembers nothing of the night after I woke up. I remember it all. This last year has been a series of struggles for me. Fitful sleeps. The night comes back in a crash of vivid memories. I never know when it will occur. Life after almost death is a bizarre limbo but I would relive it all over again if it meant I had more time with the love of my life. He is fine now. Healthy. Loving. We will never be 100% sure of the cause. But I cannot dwell on that because I’m busy loving the best husband and dad in the universe.
